You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
