wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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