Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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