I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
