Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
