Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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