i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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