I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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