Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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