dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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