If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
