Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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