Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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