How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
