Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
