My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
