Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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