Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
