i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
