The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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