the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize