And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
