WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
