East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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