He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
