does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
