He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
