singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
