I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
