$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
