No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
