just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
