Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
