i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
