Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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