i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
