I look better un-naked...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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