When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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