I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
