um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
