She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
