In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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