Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
