Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
