The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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