shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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