umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
