hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I just sharted jello shots
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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