But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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