Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
