hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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