Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize