Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
