You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
