i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
