i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
