My pussy is not your playground.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
