I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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