been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
a search helicopter?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
