yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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