i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize