I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
