You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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