it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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