I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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