Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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