id be glad to
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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