oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
