The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
