Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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