Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
