At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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