were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
