the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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