Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
