You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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