Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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