Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
