Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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