She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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