is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
