The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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