I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
