remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
