apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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