How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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