woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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