I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
