I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
