the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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