Is it because I queefed?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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