I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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