so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
