You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
