dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
