just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
