id be glad to
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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