Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize