i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
