she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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