White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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