Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
