if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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