i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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